Thursday, April 10, 2008

More fucking hilarity with T, a.k.a. “It’s Only a Green Pen”

Part of T’s job is to order office supplies. And trust me, it’s not like we order a ton of stuff or a wide variety of stuff or anything that would exceed the problem solving capabilities and memory of a baby camel. It’s always the same shit, month after month, in relatively small quantities as our office only has 7 people in it.

So yesterday when I happened to notice that we were out of these green pens we generally keep in stock in the supply closet, I notified T.


It’s not easy being green




Me: “Hey, can you order us another box of these?”

T: “You need those?”

Me: “No, I have one, but we’re just out of them and I figured you could order another box to keep in stock since they're aren't any in the closet.”

T: “I prefer the black ones.”

Me: “Yes, well, uh…I use different pens for different things. Again, we just don’t have any more back there in the closet.”

T: “Is that black ink in there?” (I SWEAR to God she asked me this. –Ed.)

Me: “Huh?”

T: “Is that black ink?”

Me: “Uh…NO, it’s green ink.”

T: “J [another woman in the office] likes those.”

Me: “OK.”

T: “So you need these?”

Me: “NO, again, I HAVE one. [I held up the fucking green fucking pen in my fucking hand and showed her.] I just thought it’d be good to order another box for stock.”

T: “Ok, no problem.”

Me: “We’re also out of binder clips, too.” (I don’t know what you call them, but I call them binder clips. You know, those black paperclip thingies?) “The mini and the small ones. So can you order some of those, too?”

T: “The…mini…and…the…small?” (I should have known this was going to be too difficult for her to understand. –Ed.)

Me: “Yes. There’s the MINI which is really tiny and then the small, which is slightly LESS tiny.”

T: “The…mini…and…the…small?”

Me: “Yes.”

She reached into the box on her desk in which she keeps these things and took out a couple, spreading them out on her desk.

Me: “THAT is a mini. And THAT is a small. So…one box of each would be great.”

T: “What about thes—“

Me: “NO…NO…that’s a medium. We’re fine on those. Just mini and small.”

T: “Mini…and…small. Plus the pens you need.”

Me: “NO. I DO NOT NEED THOSE PENS. I just thought it would be…**sigh**…yes, T. Plus the pens I need.”

T: “No problem.”

Fast forward to 8:41 this morning. T walks into my office carrying an opening box of green pens.

T: “I found these under other pens. You need one?”

I then killed her. Don’t tell the cops. I’m on my way to South America right now.


We swear in no way was this story embellished, falsified or otherwise subjected to hyperbole (except for the end…or was it?!?) In fact, the dialogue itself is, in most instances, taken verbatim from conversations with T on 04.09.08 and 04.10.08.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wait, which pens?